Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Poop Stories: Volume One

Every runner has a poop story. I have two. I'll share this gem with you today. Check back later in the week for the second story.

It's the summer of 2016. It's a hot August day, and I'm working night shifts. I've got a 28km run with Brent planned for late afternoon. It's a key workout with the Victoria race something like six weeks away.

Normally when on night shifts I would get some sleep, but on this day I get up early to call the septic cleaning company. It's, well, let's just say, a little overdue. Having moved in not so long ago, I asked Charmaine when was the last time this smelly task was done, and she said never in the eight or nine years she had lived here. Wait...what? Three teenage girls and a couple of adults filling a septic tank close to a decade without emptying it?

Oh, shit! That's what I'm thinking to myself. This needs to get done before winter, as I'm not digging through frozen ground. So I make this a priority. I call just get an appointment, thinking I'll get it in a week or two. But no, they're coming over that very afternoon. So much for a relaxing morning getting ready for a hot, afternoon long run.

Now to start digging. Except I don't know where to dig. And apparently there are a whole lot of big rocks under the lawn. It took a whole lot of trial and error, but after 3 hours of digging I was ready. I initially hit the tank, then went the wrong way to find the lid. I had to back track.

Before I could rest much, the big vacuum truck showed up and did it's job. Even though the hole is in a pretty secluded part of the yard, I can't just leave the lawn looking like this. Especially with my dogs sticking their nose where they shouldn't. Quite literally. But I'm not burying that lid like that again.

I hop in the truck armed with a shovel and about 10 large buckets, I head off to find some sand to bury the septic tank. That will be much easier to dig up next time, even in the winter if we had to. I lug these heavy buckets from the truck, bury the lid, pile up the rocks and put the dirt back in place, sort of.

I'm doing all of this while watching the clock. Brent is waiting, the day is only getting hotter.
I text him I will meet him at 4 o'clock. I quickly shower, change, and hop in the car.

To make matters worse, I had not been hydrating all day. And did I mention it was hot? I stop at the Chevron to pick up two Powerades, downing both before the run. That is not the proper way to hydrate, by the way. To make matters worse, I'm now pissed off because Powerades may cost a buck each at Safeway, but the corner store charges nearly $4 each. But what's a guy to do?

I showed up at Brent's and we went for a great run, laughing at stories about my day.

28km later, I hop in the car and drive home. I quickly shower and get changed again. It's time to go to work. I get to recover from a long run by staying up all night working, but only after buying a couple more Powerades at a much more reasonable price.

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